Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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