Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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