Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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