Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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