can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
