So drunk its hurt
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
