worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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