It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
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Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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