Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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