he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
