Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
