you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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