its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
