sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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