I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Im part way to drunk.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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