the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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