I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
