I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
