I want to have your abortion
It's Friday. Sex?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
