That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
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