Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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