meet me or not, i'm out of control
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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