..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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