I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
