i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The struggles of a small town man whore
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
