I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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