Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
