my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
