Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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