Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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