Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
