I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
