i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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