Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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