I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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