after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
