i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
