Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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