Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
