remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
