i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
