God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
