Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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