Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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