guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
