Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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