3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
