So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
