Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
