dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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