so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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