thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
