he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
