cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
false alarm, still single
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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