I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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