When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I touched a dick in church today
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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