I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
