I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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