dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
