I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
