she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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