Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
