oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
