Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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