i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize