Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
