When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
