If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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