Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
