got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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