Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize