The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
