Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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