I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
