There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the condom got lost in my hair
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
