I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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