how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
