so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
